November 6th 2008
GOOD MORNING AMERICA! It’s amazing to me. Parts of America really ARE beautiful! :D
Oh my goodness!!! Today was totally awesome! (Aside from the fact that I slept in til 11 am…:p Which is like…8 my time.) Well it started out with my great aunt and aunt were tickling my feet and pushing on my back …trying to act like dashie waking me up ;) It was funny and I woke up laughing. We got dressed…and I refused food again (I just don’t like eating in strange places where I don’t feel comfortable…it’s a weird gut reaction :p Anywho…) I did eventually eat a little bit of coffee cake.
So we got in the car and drove to my other great aunts work and showed off the little baby ;) I got hugs. (like always. I love hugs!) and we left pretty quickly after that, cause my aunt had to go to a meeting.
So we went to this really neat place called Ogelbay It was SOOOOOOOO pretty!!! They have COLORED LEAVES HERE!!! I think I acted more dog than human…while we were driving I had my head stuck out of the window staring at the beautiful colors of the FOREST! (*squeals* YES! They have trees here!!!) The air smells so gorgeous…it’s amazing! I never want to go home! Seriously…never… I don’t know if I can bear the boring brown desert after this…
But yeah. So we parked and ate our meat sandwhiches under the huge trees that were dropping their orange and red leaves…It was like…perfect. The only thing that would have made it more perfect…was…to have someone there with me to share it J
We drove around for pretty much the rest of the day…and I inhaled the precious air. I hope I never forget that luscious smell… =D
And we got pizza and drove back to the house…I txted a bit and talked to a few people.
Oh! On a REALLY big second note! My mom’s started having my little brother!!! While I’m gone!!! What the heck is up with that?!
Okay…I’m really really tired. I’m going to sleep now. Sorry for the rather short note on today. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting.
Laters all!!
~Gan♥
Friday, November 7, 2008
November 5th blog!!! (yes...it's late)
Day 1 (A.K.A- November 5th…er…6th?)
Welps folks. It is the…DAY OF RECONING! I have experienced things…seen things….done things that NO ONE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE! …(aside from the countless millions that actually have a life ;) )
Well anyway. Here’s how my day…er…yesterday went (since it’s like after 1am here right now. :p )
Well I finished packing my suitcase at around 1am Tuesday night (see a pattern here? Hmm…) Well I finished packing…grabbed dashie from my sister’s bed, cause he was sleeping in there and I curled him up by my side and slept with him until 5:30am. Then I woke up, got a shower and woke up my sister. During that time…I attempted to blow dry my hair nicely…<.< I only succeeded in making myself a giant frizz ball. But ah well, such is life. So I go on with my frizz ball. (Got a couple blatant stares from a couple guys :p I think they thought it was weird to see an albino with an afro… ;) ) So after I’m dressed and packed and heading out the door…I get told the car that I’m supposed to take, I can’t. Soooo yeah. Then I have to wait til dad fixes the van so I can drive it. When that’s done…me and my sister get inside and start driving off to Jess’s house, cause my sister is going to hang out with Jess’s younger sister. Yup…don’t’ feel ashamed if you’re confused…it took me a good ten min to figure out how to put it on paper. So we drive to her house and I go inside for a few min, since I don’t have to be at my aunt’s house until about 8am. I get there and Jess didn’t even go to sleep that night. Yes…bad Jess! Jon (her bro) comes out with this wicked bed head. I’m like “Nice hair.” and he responds with no hesitation “Yeah, I like yours too.” <.< Yeah…dude…don’t mess with ma AFRO!
So then…Jess tells me how she’s jealous of my trip *silent laughter* and I go and head off to my aunts house. (Yeah I am skipping minor details. I DO realize that guys are going to be reading this and they have NO real want to hear every specific detail of my day. See?! I am considerate!)
Alright…I’m cutting this way short, cause I’m uber tired.
So basically…airplanes are amazing things. Take off and landings are like giant roller coaster rides. It’s fun! ….kinda…it’s fun when you don’t have a screaming 1 year old next to you who’s so tired that she’s fighting off sleep like it’s a demon sent from hell. (no joke) So yeah…We get to Atlanta Georgia…I step off the plane, sniff the air, and am like. “Dude…it smells like fried food!” So there you have it…Georgia smells like fried food. GOOD fried food mind you. It’s a compliment. Trust me ;) I adore fried food.
ANYWAY…
So we get back on the plane and fly to Pittsburg. My little cousin is REALLY tired now. She’s screaming her head off while the plane is getting ready to take off…and when it does? THANK YOU GOD! She fell asleep. Apparently G-force makes babies sleep. Amazing don’t you think? :p So yeah…my aunt is really happy that she finally went to sleep, so we celebrate by eating our reeses peanut butter cups. :D
BUT! There’s always a but isn’t there? Don’t answer that…So anyway the stewardess comes by and is selling drinks. She figures out that the guy in front of us can speak Italian…and she’s thrilled cause she can communicate with him in Italian. So she does her job and meanders her way back over there. This time, she has a trash bag and (as all Italians do) begins talking with her hands…and very forcefully shaking the plastic bag that’s in her hands. This loud noise causes…yes…you guessed it, my cousin to wake up screaming. By now I’m wondering if I should either assist my aunt in the murder of this woman, or follow the cop car to the slammer…:p But yes…my aunt had murder in her eyes. Scary sight, I hope none of you EVER have to see it!
So my cousin is screaming/crying off an on the entire rest of the flight. When we finally get off and get her into a stroller, she starts acting a little less tired and is entertained. We meet up with my great Aunt and Uncle. That was fun :D Then we get to the car…and my uncle proceeds to tell me how I’m “Too skinny and how I need to put on some weight.” and “Breaha’s going to be 10 pounds heavier when she comes back home.”
Inside I’m screaming… “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I’M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT! NOT GAIN ANY!!!!” But yes…for the entire rest of the night, he tried to make me eat anything and everything. (And no, I am NOT skinny.)
So we are driving home…and *grins* I got a call from one of the best guys on earth J I talked to him a while and he stated some interesting stuff. One of which shattered my heart forever…he…has…a girlfriend. *sobs* I meant so little to him! I’m hurt for all of eternity! *cuts drama and signs up for acting lessons* Yeah…gonna need those…
So now I’m here…in a house I have no idea where it is…next to my aunt on a queen sized bed. (I really hope she forgives my snoring…that and my typing…*nervous laughter* hehe…hi?) Welps I think I’m going to go to sleep now…and try to get over this newfound conundrum called…Jet leg…*ponders the thought as she hits save and posts blog…* Laters all!
~Gan♥
Welps folks. It is the…DAY OF RECONING! I have experienced things…seen things….done things that NO ONE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE! …(aside from the countless millions that actually have a life ;) )
Well anyway. Here’s how my day…er…yesterday went (since it’s like after 1am here right now. :p )
Well I finished packing my suitcase at around 1am Tuesday night (see a pattern here? Hmm…) Well I finished packing…grabbed dashie from my sister’s bed, cause he was sleeping in there and I curled him up by my side and slept with him until 5:30am. Then I woke up, got a shower and woke up my sister. During that time…I attempted to blow dry my hair nicely…<.< I only succeeded in making myself a giant frizz ball. But ah well, such is life. So I go on with my frizz ball. (Got a couple blatant stares from a couple guys :p I think they thought it was weird to see an albino with an afro… ;) ) So after I’m dressed and packed and heading out the door…I get told the car that I’m supposed to take, I can’t. Soooo yeah. Then I have to wait til dad fixes the van so I can drive it. When that’s done…me and my sister get inside and start driving off to Jess’s house, cause my sister is going to hang out with Jess’s younger sister. Yup…don’t’ feel ashamed if you’re confused…it took me a good ten min to figure out how to put it on paper. So we drive to her house and I go inside for a few min, since I don’t have to be at my aunt’s house until about 8am. I get there and Jess didn’t even go to sleep that night. Yes…bad Jess! Jon (her bro) comes out with this wicked bed head. I’m like “Nice hair.” and he responds with no hesitation “Yeah, I like yours too.” <.< Yeah…dude…don’t mess with ma AFRO!
So then…Jess tells me how she’s jealous of my trip *silent laughter* and I go and head off to my aunts house. (Yeah I am skipping minor details. I DO realize that guys are going to be reading this and they have NO real want to hear every specific detail of my day. See?! I am considerate!)
Alright…I’m cutting this way short, cause I’m uber tired.
So basically…airplanes are amazing things. Take off and landings are like giant roller coaster rides. It’s fun! ….kinda…it’s fun when you don’t have a screaming 1 year old next to you who’s so tired that she’s fighting off sleep like it’s a demon sent from hell. (no joke) So yeah…We get to Atlanta Georgia…I step off the plane, sniff the air, and am like. “Dude…it smells like fried food!” So there you have it…Georgia smells like fried food. GOOD fried food mind you. It’s a compliment. Trust me ;) I adore fried food.
ANYWAY…
So we get back on the plane and fly to Pittsburg. My little cousin is REALLY tired now. She’s screaming her head off while the plane is getting ready to take off…and when it does? THANK YOU GOD! She fell asleep. Apparently G-force makes babies sleep. Amazing don’t you think? :p So yeah…my aunt is really happy that she finally went to sleep, so we celebrate by eating our reeses peanut butter cups. :D
BUT! There’s always a but isn’t there? Don’t answer that…So anyway the stewardess comes by and is selling drinks. She figures out that the guy in front of us can speak Italian…and she’s thrilled cause she can communicate with him in Italian. So she does her job and meanders her way back over there. This time, she has a trash bag and (as all Italians do) begins talking with her hands…and very forcefully shaking the plastic bag that’s in her hands. This loud noise causes…yes…you guessed it, my cousin to wake up screaming. By now I’m wondering if I should either assist my aunt in the murder of this woman, or follow the cop car to the slammer…:p But yes…my aunt had murder in her eyes. Scary sight, I hope none of you EVER have to see it!
So my cousin is screaming/crying off an on the entire rest of the flight. When we finally get off and get her into a stroller, she starts acting a little less tired and is entertained. We meet up with my great Aunt and Uncle. That was fun :D Then we get to the car…and my uncle proceeds to tell me how I’m “Too skinny and how I need to put on some weight.” and “Breaha’s going to be 10 pounds heavier when she comes back home.”
Inside I’m screaming… “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I’M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT! NOT GAIN ANY!!!!” But yes…for the entire rest of the night, he tried to make me eat anything and everything. (And no, I am NOT skinny.)
So we are driving home…and *grins* I got a call from one of the best guys on earth J I talked to him a while and he stated some interesting stuff. One of which shattered my heart forever…he…has…a girlfriend. *sobs* I meant so little to him! I’m hurt for all of eternity! *cuts drama and signs up for acting lessons* Yeah…gonna need those…
So now I’m here…in a house I have no idea where it is…next to my aunt on a queen sized bed. (I really hope she forgives my snoring…that and my typing…*nervous laughter* hehe…hi?) Welps I think I’m going to go to sleep now…and try to get over this newfound conundrum called…Jet leg…*ponders the thought as she hits save and posts blog…* Laters all!
~Gan♥
Monday, September 22, 2008
Cries of a Bleeding heart.
The dark ones scream
Terrors of the night
I hear them call
Them shiver with delight
They shout my name
Their voices stinging my soul
“All will be lost!”
“You will never be whole.”
Their embrace is cold
But it’s feeling non-the-less
Their nails makes me bleed.
I enjoy the pain.
Their arms wrap around me
Dragging me to the depths.
There’s nothing left for me.
I’ve failed the test.
I see your face in my mind.
You’re beautiful smile torments me
Something that I once thought was mine
Is forever lost from me.
The trust we once had.
Smashed, broken, destroyed.
I lay here writhing in pain
I loved you…couldn’t you see?
You’re gone now.
Misunderstanding breeds separation
I forgot all caution
Lost my heart in the war.
None truly see my pain
Except the father above
I have not the want to ask him for aid
My shame prevents me.
So here I am
Alone in the darkness
Mind and body apart
The voices eat my flesh.
Your adoring words haunt me
Remnant of what once was
Now can never be repaired
I drown in grief and loss.
Your smile will adorn me no more
Your laugh never will I hear
Your eyes will hold no love for me.
Their brown depths cut off.
Life holds no luster for me.
I need to let you go.
Fool my mind into believing
That I didn’t love you so.
For a while it works
The feelings have left.
I feel as if you matter no more.
My bleeding heart severed off.
Then it hits me.
The lies I told fall through
You show another your smile.
My soul cries out in agony.
Do I mean so little?
That so soon you choose another?
Have I left no mark on you?
You bear no pain of my loss.
Was it all one sided?
The feelings, laughs, tears?
Were the compliments empty?
Was I nothing?
It seems this pain will never leave
I will always abide by the loss.
Clutching my aching heart.
Praying for the sorrow to cease.
The jealousy returned
Full fury aroused.
How could you do this?
In my mind I know how…
Do I resent you for your impact on me?
God knows that’s not true.
I only regret that I never listened
To the warnings my Father gave.
You go now on with your life.
Enjoy your love, life, friends.
Leave me by the wayside.
I’ll cherish what could have been.
I’ll stand by my bleeding heart.
Watching it as it throbs with pain.
See the blood spew forth.
Know…it will never be the same.
Terrors of the night
I hear them call
Them shiver with delight
They shout my name
Their voices stinging my soul
“All will be lost!”
“You will never be whole.”
Their embrace is cold
But it’s feeling non-the-less
Their nails makes me bleed.
I enjoy the pain.
Their arms wrap around me
Dragging me to the depths.
There’s nothing left for me.
I’ve failed the test.
I see your face in my mind.
You’re beautiful smile torments me
Something that I once thought was mine
Is forever lost from me.
The trust we once had.
Smashed, broken, destroyed.
I lay here writhing in pain
I loved you…couldn’t you see?
You’re gone now.
Misunderstanding breeds separation
I forgot all caution
Lost my heart in the war.
None truly see my pain
Except the father above
I have not the want to ask him for aid
My shame prevents me.
So here I am
Alone in the darkness
Mind and body apart
The voices eat my flesh.
Your adoring words haunt me
Remnant of what once was
Now can never be repaired
I drown in grief and loss.
Your smile will adorn me no more
Your laugh never will I hear
Your eyes will hold no love for me.
Their brown depths cut off.
Life holds no luster for me.
I need to let you go.
Fool my mind into believing
That I didn’t love you so.
For a while it works
The feelings have left.
I feel as if you matter no more.
My bleeding heart severed off.
Then it hits me.
The lies I told fall through
You show another your smile.
My soul cries out in agony.
Do I mean so little?
That so soon you choose another?
Have I left no mark on you?
You bear no pain of my loss.
Was it all one sided?
The feelings, laughs, tears?
Were the compliments empty?
Was I nothing?
It seems this pain will never leave
I will always abide by the loss.
Clutching my aching heart.
Praying for the sorrow to cease.
The jealousy returned
Full fury aroused.
How could you do this?
In my mind I know how…
Do I resent you for your impact on me?
God knows that’s not true.
I only regret that I never listened
To the warnings my Father gave.
You go now on with your life.
Enjoy your love, life, friends.
Leave me by the wayside.
I’ll cherish what could have been.
I’ll stand by my bleeding heart.
Watching it as it throbs with pain.
See the blood spew forth.
Know…it will never be the same.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Turmoil...
Thoughts of Nicole…such an odd title don’t you think? Would you really like to hear my thoughts? I don’t think you would. The turmoil and emotion that would blast you could, and probably would, be too much for you to handle.
Have you ever felt isolated? Of course you have…most of us have. It’s pathetic to think how depressed I am at the moment. The words I’m writing on this very sheet are not making sense or even remotely relating to the emotions welling within me. I wish to fight this burning plague that is enveloping me with its icy dead arms. Will I be free? Will I ever be free of this demon that torments me, telling me of promises being forgotten, of words falling to the ground like dust in the wind, and of love only turning around to slash at my body till it bleeds? I try to make sense of the world around me and only darkness does my mind meet. It searches in vain as it tries to comprehend what’s going on. *shakes head*
Why does my heart scream in agony when my mind tells me it’s dead? It says there is no hope. That all my dreams will all fall through. My fantasies are childish and I should not put faith in them. What troubles a mind? Troubles it so much that mere words cannot express the turmoil of it’s suffering?
Music falls dead on my ears. Light does not dance upon the sparking ground. Clouds do not seem to flutter across the sky. Only death and destruction meet my foreseeing gaze.
It was silly of me to hope, silly of me to dream, silly of me to care. Why care when there is no hope? Why care when you cannot be sure of your future? Perhaps I should go back to the way I used to be; enveloping myself into the same cocoon of despair. I need to look up on my life again and really look at it. Will this kill me in the end? I don’t know… I don’t know if I’ll survive till the end.
What makes a heart cry out before pain comes to it? Why must we cherish things to much it hurts? How can a mere thought tear open your soul? Why must I cherish and desire something that will never be mine? How can I have these feelings for something that will never be within my grasp?
Take me into your wings Father! Take this from me again!! Why can’t it stay within your grasp? Why does it torment me everyday with new fury?! Take it Father! Take it all! This pain is too much. You yourself said that I will not be given anything that I cannot handle. I can’t handle this. So I give it to you. Take it from me. Heal my heart, renew my mind. Envelop me with YOUR arms. Cast away this demon. I want to feel like a safe lamb in your arms again. Let me bury my tear stained face in your neck. Hold me while I sob my emotions away…..
~Nicole
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Choices...
Sometimes choices are easy...sometimes they're hard; but most of the time they are difficult. I'm facing some very difficult choices at the moment...mainly reguarding friendships. I have some very close friends that are depending on me more than they are the Lord. Spending more time with me than the Lord. This breaks my heart. Not because I want them away from me, but because I'm before my amazing God. Why should I be put ahead of Him! My loving God who's only desire is to give them love and spend time with them.
Now my choice stands. Do I continue on this path with my friends and lead them away from Him unintentionally? Or do I stand and fight my own selfish desires and cut down the time I spend with them dramatically? If I remove myself, and keep myself distant, but still there, I can better help them. I can encourage them to seek the Lord when I'm not there....
*sigh* I never want to lose my friends...but I don't want the Lord to lose them more.
~Nicole ♥
Now my choice stands. Do I continue on this path with my friends and lead them away from Him unintentionally? Or do I stand and fight my own selfish desires and cut down the time I spend with them dramatically? If I remove myself, and keep myself distant, but still there, I can better help them. I can encourage them to seek the Lord when I'm not there....
*sigh* I never want to lose my friends...but I don't want the Lord to lose them more.
~Nicole ♥
Saturday, February 9, 2008
This is my piano...Um...I don't think we have a running relationship going, but it does sound very nice. Needs tuning though...(I think this is one of the times I wish I had colored Synesthesia.) But here he/she is...I have never learned how to play or read notes, but I can play some complex songs...all Ren's composing mind you. She's brilliant!
As for a personality and relationship status...uh...none at the moment. I believe she's a girl, because she sounds so beautiful. I might put up a video recording of her sound later...might mind you. I have a whole day planned of video recordings! Muwahahahahahahahaha!
So...Van...now be happy! :p
~Nicole
P.S.- oye...picky friends ;) here's a link back to Van's origonal post. Van's
Friday, February 8, 2008
Knowing yourself
I've been realizing a few things lately. One of the main things being that I really don't know who I am. I mean,...I know that I love my Lord God Almighty and nothing is more solid in my life. But who am I? What are my likes? What are my dislikes? Honestly....I have no idea. I was trained as child to not express my opinions. To merely sit back and let the adults have the say and I merely keep quiet. Before this 'training' I was a very bossy kid, (frankly tell me what kid isn't?). Well anyway, I was the leader, I had no problems leading people, and telling them what to do and how to do it. But now....I can't even tell my own siblings to do things. I seem wishy washy, unable to make a sound decision without wondering if I'm making the wrong choice.
In order not to offend anyone I keep quiet and always say the right things. Why may you ask? Because that's who I thought I was, it may really be who I am...I don't know. People around me are telling me that I'm not brave enough, I'm not outgoing enough, I'm not tough enough. Really? Well that's interesting when you see two sweet children walk into a room (peacefully) your clawing at the ceiling. I'm not a frail little creature. Give me 6 kids, that are running and screaming through the house and I'd tell you I'm the most content person on the planet. Kids scream when they're happy...and when they're hurt. Your fear-factor, shouldn't kick in until you hear the defined scream.
But aside from screaming. I have a stubborn streak a mile wide. You even think of messing with my friends or family, and honey I tell you right here and now you will not be waking up unscathed. I am not defentless with a steel baseball bad...(And I wonder why my parents wont let me get a sword...heh.)
I think I have a sense of humor. It mainly comes out when I talk tough. Not like talking tough is an act, but it is funny when I try to do it, because people take me as the innocent girl that sits in a chair all day like an ivalid.
I do play my personality on people. I'm not innocent. (are any of us?) I've done things in my past that I'm not proud of. But my goal is to do everything in my power to honor the Lord. (and sometimes...*excited voice* I even use HIS power:p haha)
People put me in a box. My 'innocent' face, and my connetion to my parents makes people think I'm the sterotypical 'goodie goodie'. It's always angered me to be referred to that. But I have to really think about what I've shown people. They have really every reason to believe me to be that person.
I'm not a bad person, so I don't want to continuously say that I'm NOT INNOCENT and glare at all the people around me, put on black leather and chrome spikes.
I'm modest. (who cares? Frankly all the skin tight shirts sicken me, especially because not very many women have the 'pencil' thin frame.) I like wearing dresses and skirts because they make me feel feminine. No, I don't try to impress guys. I wear them for me, because I enjoy being a women and the whole "equality of genders and being better than men" syndrome many women have can go down the drain for all I care.
No I've never had a boyfriend. Never wanted one really. Guys right now are stupid, (pardon my saying so, brothers, but you are and you can't deny it.) They may be brilliant in smarts, but they lack the ability to really care, to want to care even. If you try to connect emotionally with them, it's like hitting a steel wall. Or you get the other extreme, where they are amazing, they connect with you emotionally and you talk to them and you feel a strong bond between you. But...they are lacking either spiritually or in brains.
I'm picky! YES I ADMIT IT! I have a long list of things my future husband has to have before I even consider marriage. And you wanna know what? None of them have anything to do with what he looks like. (okay I'm a bit selfish and I pray for brown eyes and taller than me....okay confession time is over....)
What I desire is simple, he has to love the Lord more than me. He has to desire the Lord more than me, and he has to go to the Lord for advice more than me. Simple requests right? Yeah I know. So I'll end an old maid and live contentedly with my Lord God Almighty!
I guess the whole point of this is to find out who I am. I need a sound personality to show people. If I never find it, I feel like I'll be a liar. Making people think I'm a kind of person that I'm not. Who am I? I don't know, but My name is Nicole. Why am I writing this? I could ask you a question too....Why are you reading it?
In order not to offend anyone I keep quiet and always say the right things. Why may you ask? Because that's who I thought I was, it may really be who I am...I don't know. People around me are telling me that I'm not brave enough, I'm not outgoing enough, I'm not tough enough. Really? Well that's interesting when you see two sweet children walk into a room (peacefully) your clawing at the ceiling. I'm not a frail little creature. Give me 6 kids, that are running and screaming through the house and I'd tell you I'm the most content person on the planet. Kids scream when they're happy...and when they're hurt. Your fear-factor, shouldn't kick in until you hear the defined scream.
But aside from screaming. I have a stubborn streak a mile wide. You even think of messing with my friends or family, and honey I tell you right here and now you will not be waking up unscathed. I am not defentless with a steel baseball bad...(And I wonder why my parents wont let me get a sword...heh.)
I think I have a sense of humor. It mainly comes out when I talk tough. Not like talking tough is an act, but it is funny when I try to do it, because people take me as the innocent girl that sits in a chair all day like an ivalid.
I do play my personality on people. I'm not innocent. (are any of us?) I've done things in my past that I'm not proud of. But my goal is to do everything in my power to honor the Lord. (and sometimes...*excited voice* I even use HIS power:p haha)
People put me in a box. My 'innocent' face, and my connetion to my parents makes people think I'm the sterotypical 'goodie goodie'. It's always angered me to be referred to that. But I have to really think about what I've shown people. They have really every reason to believe me to be that person.
I'm not a bad person, so I don't want to continuously say that I'm NOT INNOCENT and glare at all the people around me, put on black leather and chrome spikes.
I'm modest. (who cares? Frankly all the skin tight shirts sicken me, especially because not very many women have the 'pencil' thin frame.) I like wearing dresses and skirts because they make me feel feminine. No, I don't try to impress guys. I wear them for me, because I enjoy being a women and the whole "equality of genders and being better than men" syndrome many women have can go down the drain for all I care.
No I've never had a boyfriend. Never wanted one really. Guys right now are stupid, (pardon my saying so, brothers, but you are and you can't deny it.) They may be brilliant in smarts, but they lack the ability to really care, to want to care even. If you try to connect emotionally with them, it's like hitting a steel wall. Or you get the other extreme, where they are amazing, they connect with you emotionally and you talk to them and you feel a strong bond between you. But...they are lacking either spiritually or in brains.
I'm picky! YES I ADMIT IT! I have a long list of things my future husband has to have before I even consider marriage. And you wanna know what? None of them have anything to do with what he looks like. (okay I'm a bit selfish and I pray for brown eyes and taller than me....okay confession time is over....)
What I desire is simple, he has to love the Lord more than me. He has to desire the Lord more than me, and he has to go to the Lord for advice more than me. Simple requests right? Yeah I know. So I'll end an old maid and live contentedly with my Lord God Almighty!
I guess the whole point of this is to find out who I am. I need a sound personality to show people. If I never find it, I feel like I'll be a liar. Making people think I'm a kind of person that I'm not. Who am I? I don't know, but My name is Nicole. Why am I writing this? I could ask you a question too....Why are you reading it?
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